P-O-W-E-R, It's confusing.

Power.

We all have it, whether we think we do or not.

Throughout our lives, we gain and lose varying levels of power.

In my life, I've always struggled with the notion of power. I've always been easygoing and I hate conflict. I always have. It has just always been easier to let others make decisions for me and me to just go with it.

You lose a lot of yourself when that happens.

In high school, I was so lost and mixed up that I let somebody else make all of my decisions. They dictated what I wore, what I ate, where I went, what I did, what I watched, etc. As I recently learned in one of my classes, the most crucial years to independence and identity development are ages 12-18.

When I came to college, I was lost. Suddenly, I was on my own and I was forced to make my own decisions, and essentially, have power for the first time in a very long time.

Being empowered or having power is a mutually thrilling and terrifying thing.

I am reminded of this very confusing concept more and more now that I'm working in the social work field.

As social workers, you're there for the client, and they have the power. At the same time, you ultimately have the final say...which means...you ultimately have the power. This is also the same with foster parents.

Foster parents will let me know what's going on and what they've done, but will look to me for advice/instructions. I'll be frank; it scares the shit out of me when they do that. It's one of those moments that make me think:

"I'm only 23 years old. I was a crazy abnormal teenager, and I've only done a small amount of babysitting of kids that are 0-8. How am I qualified to do this?!?!"

Due to this, I've been attempting to work on not looking like a deer in headlights when this happens. It all feels so crazy and overwhelming to me. I'm not used to being in power and all of the sudden, I'm the one they look to for advice.

I know I'm going to encounter this constant power struggle/concept of power for the rest of my career in social work. There will be times when I'm utterly powerless in situations dominated by others (ex: decisions made by judges, supervisors, etc) and there will always be those times where I hold the power and have to weigh the options and act in everyones' best interest.

Social work is a constant power struggle and frankly, so is life. Everyone has some form of power and it really comes down to how you go about handling it. Personally, I see each situation as a learning experience and a challenge to myself to do something I'm scared to do.

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill

Be the optimist. Use whatever power you possess for good. And most of all, challenge yourself. Growth does not happen without challenge.