Wow.
I took a four month blog-cation without really even realizing it.
To update:
I finished my first semester of grad school with all A's! Score!
Things have continued to go well with school and internship. I have gained kids and lost kids and finally feel like I'm on top of everything (internship-wise).
It continues to amaze me how much you can feel like you've grown up in such a short amount of time. Every once in awhile my mind drifts back to feeling so nervous about attending the MSW program orientation. Had to make sure my hair looked just right and not really knowing what to expect. I had no idea that the people I met that day and a few days later would be the people that hold such a special place in my heart now.
In the program you're either around people 16 hours a week or 32+ hours a week. It's kind of hard not to get really close to them. They also separate you into "cohorts" which are groups of about 25 people that essentially move from class to class with you. Twenty-four other people and I have gone to class 16 hours a week together since August. We've become a big family and I just feel acceptance. It's a crazy thing to finally feel accepted for who you are.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Day by Day
I'm a bad blogger. Left this only a few months into my first year.
Update: I'm almost finished with my MSW. Scary, I know.
The MSW program has been such a wild adventure. The time has flown by. Each day has been such a mixture of emotions.
As I write this, I'm supposed to be working on my thesis.
I thought writing here might clear my brain out a little to help me with the thesis-writing process.
I didn't realize how difficult grad school was until this semester. The pressure is immense. All in the last semester you're simultaneously getting into the hard part of your thesis, collecting data, applying for jobs, going on interviews, trying to keep up in your classes, dreaming of what you're going to do when you graduate, worrying about whether or not you'll have a job post-grad and be able to pay your bills, trying to maintain relationships with everyone in your life, performing well at internship and becoming an expert at saying "I'm sorry, I can't. I really need to work on my thesis."
I graduate on May 30th and I defend my thesis on May 14. This leaves me very little time to get my shit together.
I'm convinced that if I just stop sleeping and invent a way to IV-stream coffee into my veins, I might be able to survive this semester.
While everything that is happening is awesome, it is also sucky. I'm so stressed and I feel like none of this is fair to my fiance, who works hard during the week and wants to (rightly so) play on the weekends. Guilt is a major theme. We played this weekend and while I really did enjoy it, I got like.....very little done on anything and now I'm stressing.
Everything is dependent on me graduating and getting a job immediately. Being able to pay our bills, being able to potentially move to a nicer place, saving for a wedding, and starting the rest of our life. I'm doing everything that I can to make it happen but it's just so much pressure. So much to worry about on top of everything else.
I'm trying to keep moving forward. Keep working. Keep pushing harder. Not allowing myself to give up, crumble or break down. But, the crushing feeling in my chest sometimes leaves me feeling like I can't breathe.
As they tell us in my program all the time "practice self-care!" I don't know what my methods of self-care are. I feel like there's limited time to practice self-care and when I do anything other than working on stuff for school or thesis the feelings of guilt are immense.
I can't wait until I've gotten through this and graduated and can look back upon this semester as a major hurdle I was able to overcome.
But, at this point, it feels so overwhelming and daunting and I just have to take it day by day.
Update: I'm almost finished with my MSW. Scary, I know.
The MSW program has been such a wild adventure. The time has flown by. Each day has been such a mixture of emotions.
As I write this, I'm supposed to be working on my thesis.
I thought writing here might clear my brain out a little to help me with the thesis-writing process.
I didn't realize how difficult grad school was until this semester. The pressure is immense. All in the last semester you're simultaneously getting into the hard part of your thesis, collecting data, applying for jobs, going on interviews, trying to keep up in your classes, dreaming of what you're going to do when you graduate, worrying about whether or not you'll have a job post-grad and be able to pay your bills, trying to maintain relationships with everyone in your life, performing well at internship and becoming an expert at saying "I'm sorry, I can't. I really need to work on my thesis."
I graduate on May 30th and I defend my thesis on May 14. This leaves me very little time to get my shit together.
I'm convinced that if I just stop sleeping and invent a way to IV-stream coffee into my veins, I might be able to survive this semester.
While everything that is happening is awesome, it is also sucky. I'm so stressed and I feel like none of this is fair to my fiance, who works hard during the week and wants to (rightly so) play on the weekends. Guilt is a major theme. We played this weekend and while I really did enjoy it, I got like.....very little done on anything and now I'm stressing.
Everything is dependent on me graduating and getting a job immediately. Being able to pay our bills, being able to potentially move to a nicer place, saving for a wedding, and starting the rest of our life. I'm doing everything that I can to make it happen but it's just so much pressure. So much to worry about on top of everything else.
I'm trying to keep moving forward. Keep working. Keep pushing harder. Not allowing myself to give up, crumble or break down. But, the crushing feeling in my chest sometimes leaves me feeling like I can't breathe.
As they tell us in my program all the time "practice self-care!" I don't know what my methods of self-care are. I feel like there's limited time to practice self-care and when I do anything other than working on stuff for school or thesis the feelings of guilt are immense.
I can't wait until I've gotten through this and graduated and can look back upon this semester as a major hurdle I was able to overcome.
But, at this point, it feels so overwhelming and daunting and I just have to take it day by day.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Revelations
A few weeks ago I was asked to come and speak to a Sociology senior seminar class about the MSW program. So, I prepared some facts and dates and went to speak.
What I didn't prepare for, was to get there and talk about how much the program can change your life and how much it has already changed mine.
Yeah, they definitely don't put that in the brochure.
From day one of the program your entire value system, beliefs about education, and knowledge base are questioned, challenged, and changed. You're taught to fully commit to your beliefs but at the same time, pull off being Switzerland and validating your clients.
My time in this program has been the first time in my entire life that I've felt fully accepted for who I am. I've developed a stronger commitment to the issues I already felt so strongly about.
From an educational standpoint, we learn how many different possibilities there are for learning. We've all grown up as products of banking education, which means teachers have spouted out information at us, we take it in like sponges and spit it back out. In my policy class, we practice problem-posing education. We sit in a circle because that divides the power equally and enables the students to be the teacher and teacher to be the student. We lead group discussions and there are no tests. We make group decisions about how we want to be graded and what will be the most effective learning strategies for us all. It goes against everything we've ever been taught in banking education and feels so weird to do at first, but I feel like I'm being challenged and learning so much more.
The majority of my growth has occurred via my learning in my Social Work Practice class. There we learn therapeutic techniques as well as coping skills, and all about human emotion. We often practice therapizing with our classmates to use our learned skills.
I never expected to learn so much about myself through learning how to learn about other people and help them. I've gotten to the root of many deep-seeded issues in my life and have been able to reflect on situations and know why I acted the way I did. Or, how I am affected now by the things that happened so long ago. This feels utterly dismantling and like soul cleansing all at the same time.
Revelations: they happen in the MSW program. They've happened to me, they've happened to everyone.They can be good and bad and may be something you'll struggle with for the rest of your life. Never did you imagine graduate school would change you this much.
"There's no limit to how much you'll know, depending how far beyond zebra you go." -Dr. Seuss
Take the lead of the MSW program and challenge yourself. Have a revelation. Learn as much as you can. Go beyond zebra and see what you can find because "progress is not possible without challenge and change." Believe me, it'll do your soul some good.
What I didn't prepare for, was to get there and talk about how much the program can change your life and how much it has already changed mine.
Yeah, they definitely don't put that in the brochure.
From day one of the program your entire value system, beliefs about education, and knowledge base are questioned, challenged, and changed. You're taught to fully commit to your beliefs but at the same time, pull off being Switzerland and validating your clients.
My time in this program has been the first time in my entire life that I've felt fully accepted for who I am. I've developed a stronger commitment to the issues I already felt so strongly about.
From an educational standpoint, we learn how many different possibilities there are for learning. We've all grown up as products of banking education, which means teachers have spouted out information at us, we take it in like sponges and spit it back out. In my policy class, we practice problem-posing education. We sit in a circle because that divides the power equally and enables the students to be the teacher and teacher to be the student. We lead group discussions and there are no tests. We make group decisions about how we want to be graded and what will be the most effective learning strategies for us all. It goes against everything we've ever been taught in banking education and feels so weird to do at first, but I feel like I'm being challenged and learning so much more.
The majority of my growth has occurred via my learning in my Social Work Practice class. There we learn therapeutic techniques as well as coping skills, and all about human emotion. We often practice therapizing with our classmates to use our learned skills.
I never expected to learn so much about myself through learning how to learn about other people and help them. I've gotten to the root of many deep-seeded issues in my life and have been able to reflect on situations and know why I acted the way I did. Or, how I am affected now by the things that happened so long ago. This feels utterly dismantling and like soul cleansing all at the same time.
Revelations: they happen in the MSW program. They've happened to me, they've happened to everyone.They can be good and bad and may be something you'll struggle with for the rest of your life. Never did you imagine graduate school would change you this much.
"There's no limit to how much you'll know, depending how far beyond zebra you go." -Dr. Seuss
Take the lead of the MSW program and challenge yourself. Have a revelation. Learn as much as you can. Go beyond zebra and see what you can find because "progress is not possible without challenge and change." Believe me, it'll do your soul some good.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
P-O-W-E-R, It's confusing.
Power.
We all have it, whether we think we do or not.
Throughout our lives, we gain and lose varying levels of power.
In my life, I've always struggled with the notion of power. I've always been easygoing and I hate conflict. I always have. It has just always been easier to let others make decisions for me and me to just go with it.
You lose a lot of yourself when that happens.
In high school, I was so lost and mixed up that I let somebody else make all of my decisions. They dictated what I wore, what I ate, where I went, what I did, what I watched, etc. As I recently learned in one of my classes, the most crucial years to independence and identity development are ages 12-18.
When I came to college, I was lost. Suddenly, I was on my own and I was forced to make my own decisions, and essentially, have power for the first time in a very long time.
Being empowered or having power is a mutually thrilling and terrifying thing.
I am reminded of this very confusing concept more and more now that I'm working in the social work field.
As social workers, you're there for the client, and they have the power. At the same time, you ultimately have the final say...which means...you ultimately have the power. This is also the same with foster parents.
Foster parents will let me know what's going on and what they've done, but will look to me for advice/instructions. I'll be frank; it scares the shit out of me when they do that. It's one of those moments that make me think:
"I'm only 23 years old. I was a crazy abnormal teenager, and I've only done a small amount of babysitting of kids that are 0-8. How am I qualified to do this?!?!"
Due to this, I've been attempting to work on not looking like a deer in headlights when this happens. It all feels so crazy and overwhelming to me. I'm not used to being in power and all of the sudden, I'm the one they look to for advice.
I know I'm going to encounter this constant power struggle/concept of power for the rest of my career in social work. There will be times when I'm utterly powerless in situations dominated by others (ex: decisions made by judges, supervisors, etc) and there will always be those times where I hold the power and have to weigh the options and act in everyones' best interest.
Social work is a constant power struggle and frankly, so is life. Everyone has some form of power and it really comes down to how you go about handling it. Personally, I see each situation as a learning experience and a challenge to myself to do something I'm scared to do.
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill
Be the optimist. Use whatever power you possess for good. And most of all, challenge yourself. Growth does not happen without challenge.
We all have it, whether we think we do or not.
Throughout our lives, we gain and lose varying levels of power.
In my life, I've always struggled with the notion of power. I've always been easygoing and I hate conflict. I always have. It has just always been easier to let others make decisions for me and me to just go with it.
You lose a lot of yourself when that happens.
In high school, I was so lost and mixed up that I let somebody else make all of my decisions. They dictated what I wore, what I ate, where I went, what I did, what I watched, etc. As I recently learned in one of my classes, the most crucial years to independence and identity development are ages 12-18.
When I came to college, I was lost. Suddenly, I was on my own and I was forced to make my own decisions, and essentially, have power for the first time in a very long time.
Being empowered or having power is a mutually thrilling and terrifying thing.
I am reminded of this very confusing concept more and more now that I'm working in the social work field.
As social workers, you're there for the client, and they have the power. At the same time, you ultimately have the final say...which means...you ultimately have the power. This is also the same with foster parents.
Foster parents will let me know what's going on and what they've done, but will look to me for advice/instructions. I'll be frank; it scares the shit out of me when they do that. It's one of those moments that make me think:
"I'm only 23 years old. I was a crazy abnormal teenager, and I've only done a small amount of babysitting of kids that are 0-8. How am I qualified to do this?!?!"
Due to this, I've been attempting to work on not looking like a deer in headlights when this happens. It all feels so crazy and overwhelming to me. I'm not used to being in power and all of the sudden, I'm the one they look to for advice.
I know I'm going to encounter this constant power struggle/concept of power for the rest of my career in social work. There will be times when I'm utterly powerless in situations dominated by others (ex: decisions made by judges, supervisors, etc) and there will always be those times where I hold the power and have to weigh the options and act in everyones' best interest.
Social work is a constant power struggle and frankly, so is life. Everyone has some form of power and it really comes down to how you go about handling it. Personally, I see each situation as a learning experience and a challenge to myself to do something I'm scared to do.
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill
Be the optimist. Use whatever power you possess for good. And most of all, challenge yourself. Growth does not happen without challenge.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Practicing Clarification
In Social Work Practice class today, we learned about validation and clarification.
Validation involves hearing what someone has to say and you letting them know you heard them.
Ex: John: I feel sad when we run out of my favorite coffee creamer. Jane: I hear you. You are sad when we run out of your favorite coffee creamer.
Clarification involves restating the person's statement in order to validate, gain a better understanding, and open the metaphorical door for the person to continue.
One of my readers communicated to me that she got a little lost in the lingo in the last post. I'm sorry if it was somewhat confusing.
So, I would like to do a little lesson to practice clarification.
Progress notes : notes that are kept in client's files (kind of like status updates but longer) that we write every time we see the client or communicate with someone on their behalf. Social workers use these to refer back to and these notes can sometimes be used in court.
SOC160 : A form required by many counties that has to be completed once a month. It's basically a form that you throw progress notes from your visit on and send it in. It allows the county to get credit for a visit for that month (even though you're the one doing all the work).
Quarterlies : These are reports that are completed every three months. They provide information about the last three months in a client's life as well as make action plans to address any problems or concerns with the clients.
NSP (Needs & Service Plan) : Similar to a quarterly, it is a report that assesses the needs of the client and comes up with action plans to fulfill those needs. These are done every 4-6 months.
Paperwork, etc : This includes all other forms to be completed on the client's behalf like clothing inventory, allowance tracking, physicals, dental visits, and any communication with their school and/or county social worker.
Mileage reimbursement : I am not paid to work at my internship, but when I go out on visits, I am reimbursed for mileage. This is super nice because I have homes that are 60 miles from my home.
Title IV-E program : aka the Child Welfare Training Project. It is a federal grant that supports most foster children/foster agencies, and also supports programs that turns out child welfare workers. I applied to be (and got in to be) part of the Title IV-E stipend program. I receive $37,000 over the two years of my MSW and in return, I have to work for the state for two years in child welfare after I graduate.
I hope I clarified some things for you and don't hesitate to comment if you're ever confused or have further questions. It can definitely be a land of dizzying lingo.
Well...I'm off. I leave tomorrow for the statewide meeting in LA. It will be interesting to be in a room with so many other social workers!
Have a great weekend!
"To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also." -Igor Stravinsky
Validation involves hearing what someone has to say and you letting them know you heard them.
Ex: John: I feel sad when we run out of my favorite coffee creamer. Jane: I hear you. You are sad when we run out of your favorite coffee creamer.
Clarification involves restating the person's statement in order to validate, gain a better understanding, and open the metaphorical door for the person to continue.
One of my readers communicated to me that she got a little lost in the lingo in the last post. I'm sorry if it was somewhat confusing.
So, I would like to do a little lesson to practice clarification.
Progress notes : notes that are kept in client's files (kind of like status updates but longer) that we write every time we see the client or communicate with someone on their behalf. Social workers use these to refer back to and these notes can sometimes be used in court.
SOC160 : A form required by many counties that has to be completed once a month. It's basically a form that you throw progress notes from your visit on and send it in. It allows the county to get credit for a visit for that month (even though you're the one doing all the work).
Quarterlies : These are reports that are completed every three months. They provide information about the last three months in a client's life as well as make action plans to address any problems or concerns with the clients.
NSP (Needs & Service Plan) : Similar to a quarterly, it is a report that assesses the needs of the client and comes up with action plans to fulfill those needs. These are done every 4-6 months.
Paperwork, etc : This includes all other forms to be completed on the client's behalf like clothing inventory, allowance tracking, physicals, dental visits, and any communication with their school and/or county social worker.
Mileage reimbursement : I am not paid to work at my internship, but when I go out on visits, I am reimbursed for mileage. This is super nice because I have homes that are 60 miles from my home.
Title IV-E program : aka the Child Welfare Training Project. It is a federal grant that supports most foster children/foster agencies, and also supports programs that turns out child welfare workers. I applied to be (and got in to be) part of the Title IV-E stipend program. I receive $37,000 over the two years of my MSW and in return, I have to work for the state for two years in child welfare after I graduate.
I hope I clarified some things for you and don't hesitate to comment if you're ever confused or have further questions. It can definitely be a land of dizzying lingo.
Well...I'm off. I leave tomorrow for the statewide meeting in LA. It will be interesting to be in a room with so many other social workers!
Have a great weekend!
"To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also." -Igor Stravinsky
Monday, October 10, 2011
I've been missing for 11 days; Trudging through
So...you may or may not have noticed but I disappeared for eleven days. It wasn't a voluntary disappearance, I assure you. Call it kidnapping if you will; kidnapping by stress, reading, working, and trying to get my laundry done.
It has been a crazy two weeks. I've been a busy bee at work, trying to get all updated on all of my progress notes, SOC 160s, quarterlies, and just all paperwork in general.
Now, I started to write a post about a week ago and kept coming back to it. Here ya go:
"It's amazing what difference a day can make"
Tuesday was a crazy day. It was one of those days that you anticipate and dread at the same time, a day chalk full of emotions, and a day where you feel like you were running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
After worrying, being frustrated, and trying to wrap my head around all things internship related all weekend long, I arrived at my internship.
If you recall from one of my previous blogs "Fine Lines," I was very offended/frustrated when I was sent an email by my internship that said we would not be reimbursed for our mileage until all of our paperwork was completed and up-to-date. Needless to say, I entered my internship trying to remain calm while experiencing a vast amount of emotion under the surface.
I spent the morning before the staff meeting speaking with my fellow interns and just trying to figure out how to wrap my head around what was happening. Staff meeting started, and I could swear that our boss could see the fear/anger/frustration in our eyes. In the meeting she addressed the issue and said that she didn't mean to come off as harsh, but she did at the same time.
All of the interns were looking around at each other like "what?" She went on to explain that we were not responsible for anything that was due before we were allowed to start working with clients...but we are all still responsible for updating client's files.
*Insert collective sigh of relief*
I learned a variety of lessons that day:
In other news, I got an A on my first grad school research paper. Woohoo!! It was titled "Adoption Assistance and Foster Care: The Absence of Foster Parent Adoptions".
I will try to keep this updated this week...especially because I leave on Thursday to attend a meeting for the CALSWEC (CA Social Work Educators Committee) Title IV-E planning meeting in Los Angeles. I'm sure that's going to be an interesting and informative experience all on its own that I'll definitely have to document. For now, back to homework!
It has been a crazy two weeks. I've been a busy bee at work, trying to get all updated on all of my progress notes, SOC 160s, quarterlies, and just all paperwork in general.
Now, I started to write a post about a week ago and kept coming back to it. Here ya go:
"It's amazing what difference a day can make"
Tuesday was a crazy day. It was one of those days that you anticipate and dread at the same time, a day chalk full of emotions, and a day where you feel like you were running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
After worrying, being frustrated, and trying to wrap my head around all things internship related all weekend long, I arrived at my internship.
If you recall from one of my previous blogs "Fine Lines," I was very offended/frustrated when I was sent an email by my internship that said we would not be reimbursed for our mileage until all of our paperwork was completed and up-to-date. Needless to say, I entered my internship trying to remain calm while experiencing a vast amount of emotion under the surface.
I spent the morning before the staff meeting speaking with my fellow interns and just trying to figure out how to wrap my head around what was happening. Staff meeting started, and I could swear that our boss could see the fear/anger/frustration in our eyes. In the meeting she addressed the issue and said that she didn't mean to come off as harsh, but she did at the same time.
All of the interns were looking around at each other like "what?" She went on to explain that we were not responsible for anything that was due before we were allowed to start working with clients...but we are all still responsible for updating client's files.
*Insert collective sigh of relief*
I learned a variety of lessons that day:
- don't spend time freaking out/worrying about something before you know the facts
- don't underestimate/predict your co-workers/boss' actions
- don't panic over your workload before you know its magnitude
- if you just start working, you'll get more done which = less stress
- social work is stressful and you never know what it will throw at you (like life!)
In other news, I got an A on my first grad school research paper. Woohoo!! It was titled "Adoption Assistance and Foster Care: The Absence of Foster Parent Adoptions".
I will try to keep this updated this week...especially because I leave on Thursday to attend a meeting for the CALSWEC (CA Social Work Educators Committee) Title IV-E planning meeting in Los Angeles. I'm sure that's going to be an interesting and informative experience all on its own that I'll definitely have to document. For now, back to homework!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Pretty
My professor showed us this video in class the other day. Watch this and next time you tell someone you think they're pretty, you'll think twice. :)
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